bang bang your dead!

ranting ...just go home

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 01:59:19 GMT

well im back at my dads...and its not as bad as i though me and brisa arent talking i understand why...i did say thing about her...but theres shit i dont understand....that her own fucking brother can say shit but he wont tell her he did....and i got bitched at....i know carlo told her what i said and i know he said somethings that are what he said not me cause i never diagnosed ANYONE with a disorder...all i said was what i felt and since no one listens to me i thought maybe these kids would listen but no carlo betrayed me and matt...ive totally lost all trust in him and thats his problem

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 04:31:36 GMT

dear people,
im bored! im at my moms now andits been fun fun fun so fa...lots more to get...so far we went to schlitterbahn with my aunt rusty cousins autumn alex and april. we had a BLAST! in a week i think my mom and my bro and i are going to athen, tx to see my grandpa who isnt doing so well. IM FREAKING BORED! there not much to do at night...cept the comp and there not much to do on it. o well.

i recently found out i have MAJOR trust issues. some poeple i cant trust no matter how much i want but i cant cause stupid fucking people screwed it up! and im overly stressed out ....cause those FUCKING PEOPLE! i feel as if i dont need friends....i feel myself not wanting them...i dunno if thats cause im stressed out and randomly thinking stupid shit but its true. i think i might give up on friends. because all i ever do is fuck it up. i ruin whats good and whats bad i cant ruin no matter ghow hard i try. i feel like ive let a ton of poeple down. not doign what they want not saying what they want. i feel like im a pain in EVERYONES asses. there are a selct few that i might keep as friends but for everyone else i cant handle the pressure. i just cant handle being perfect for everyone then when im not perfect enough i get treated like shit. like im not worth the time. i feel as iof im benig used be EVERYONE. not just some people EVERYONE. i cant handle all the shit people expect me to deal with all there problems they want me to solve. some people i dont mind helpin[frankie] but some people i dont wanna help cause there shit is stupid some people ask me to help and im usually ok with it till they want me to do shit i dont wnna do or when they use me. im tired of alwys helping people with there problems. when will epople open THERE FUCKING EYES and see i need help with my shit. im done with it all. from no on i will be a free person i wont help anyone and i dont want help. im on my own when i get in trouble. im sick of being walked all over.
thanks for your time
JAY

boredom

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 19:08:49 GMT

wellits summer....middle of...and im FUCKING BORED!!! ...*BLAH* there is nothing to do anymore...i mean i have a pool...BORING....there is the neighborhood pool ... BORING...all my friends have other plans or they are out of town....BUT next month im going to my moms!!! *wee* the first week were going to up state texas to see my grandpa and kill my step grandmother...ASSHOLE!!! hehe sorry shes a witch! seriously....then were going to schlitterbaan [sp?]...then the next week shes working..while i babysit and get tons of money! im happy much! i cnat wait....im bored....BLAH BLAH BLAH
♥ jay
♥♥♥♥♥

update on....ME!

Sat, 24 Jun 2006 02:15:12 GMT

im bored!!!!! i just got out of the pool and i think im sick i gots the sniffles!!!! *AHHHHHH* its summer i dont wanna be sick!!!! i have like a week left at my dads then they ship me to my moms...o well imma have fun there!!!lots of babysitting lots of money!!!WooT WooT!!! my face is ...burning and i dunno why....its realy weird....well thats all...
&hearts jay
♥♥♥♥♥

this is fucking bullshit

Thu, 22 Jun 2006 18:30:01 GMT

well guys and gals in the meadows im moving....i know people are like its a good idea and oppertunity but i cant.. a few reasons i have people here who need me i have peopl I NEED usualy i wouldnt have a problem with it but no one [father] has realy sat down and talked to me bout it....i hate moving all it does is stress me out..i almost failed the 6th grade moving from my scottsdale houe to my cedar form house....i cant deal with it...and the fact that i have to annoying lil brothers ...isnt it enough..no no no tye have to move me from my friends my family my HOME...ill never forget my dad for this but eh he wants to fuck up everythig let him when he dies..i wont be there...thats all
♥ jay
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
P.S.
i know some poeple who have been moving all there life...and i feel bad for them...but shouldnt they stop...allowing this move will just add one more house to your list...thats all its gonna do...you know who you are...dont talk obut this outloud ill freak out and cry ....sorry
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

DADS AN ASS

Thu, 22 Jun 2006 04:53:58 GMT

MY DAD IS A FUCKING ASSHOLE AND I WANT HIM DEAD!!!!! HES A REAL JERK AND HE ALWAYS COMPLAINS WHY IM IN A BAD MOOD>>>>WELL MAYBE ITS CAUSE HES AN ASS

bored...MY FUTURE

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 03:51:01 GMT

IM BORED! well yeah...im in the front room with brisa...shes on the comp im on the other one...mi bored...its 10.47 i dunno what to type...im going to high school next year...not much fun i guess...i mean i already KNOW FOR A FACT ima get beat up! im mean heres my visions!

some chick and i are walking ...i odnt know her...we bump into each other and all MY shit falls none of hers leaves her hands...shes get s and atitude and says something like bitch watch were your going and i ..the angry person i am will say something back!

OR

im staring at a cute boy...hes staring me ...connection...blah blah blah...and later i find out he has a GF....shes comes up to me and says something like if you look at my man again imma hurt you and ill say bitch id like to see you try or something like that...then she gets her lil manicure pericure barbies to attack me....

well yea thats what i know is gonna happen...but i can always run and hide...imma good hider...REALY REALY GOOD!!!
♥ jay

Thu, 29 Sep 2005 02:22:34 GMT

i feel as if i let people down....everyone ismaking me feel like i do nothing for them or all they do is ask me for stuff...through this wholle riat/katrina shit i learned you cant trust alot of people only the ones you've been with for awhile and that meeting new people is good but some arnt so great....im glad for the friends i have and the people i love and they know who theya are! ive learned that things cant bring you happiness and people too, you and your inner self are the only things that can make you happy... i just am glad for what i have and if i want other stuff im going to get it on my own and i dont want your fucking help...
auden
as of now im on my own! doesnt mean im homeless means i dont take shit from anyone

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 16:46:08 GMT

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Fri, 23 Sep 2005 05:10:00 GMT

well rita is coming and everyong around me is getting pissed of cuz theya re freaking out reliseing that maybe listening to someone else isnt a bad idea! im like hello leaving a while back would have been nice but now that people are dying on the roads its to late! but anyways...everyone is asleep and im onlinle talking to JOSH andREAGAN and KRISTIN! o yeah imma whore on myspace! d00d its like addicting! i think talking to people online keeps me from doing stupid shit like bitching at my dad! i swear if i had a knife id slit his wrist thenn cut off his toes then slit his throat! *argh* its like he never listens anymore! hes always talking to his girlfriend which i found out today with the loverly brisa, that they have sex! soo yeah and i know he lies to me all the time. and he used to always ask me my oppinions and now he doesnt! im like yeah btw you have a daughter and she feels like you hate her now! and now one gives a flying rats ass bout what i think so im like going to explode (literaly) and no one will notice! *argh* well yeah ill complain more later
loves always auden
i <3 the following
brisa
olivia
josh
reagan
micah!!!
roland
and last but most important my turtles!

Thu, 25 Aug 2005 23:21:48 GMT

DIE MOTHER FUCKER DIE!!! I DONT LIKE THAT PIECE OF SHIT OLIVIA

catching up

Sun, 21 Aug 2005 06:01:37 GMT

well its 1 in the morning and im on the phone with the lovely brisa and this computer wontlet me log onto my myspace! lets see whats been going on with me???.....well alex got a buz cut and i havent talked tohim in awhile so ....i hear roland is being an ass agin and he is only an ass when im not around....im rely bored at my moms and igo back to my dads monday night and school started the other day and its fun i guess but most of my friends go to high school now so im all alone cept my sexy lover april who i have 2nd period with! yay! and me andmicah are good friends and he is more talkative this yearthen last year! brisa is addicted to MSI now and im to blamebut o well they are a good band! yay! i <3 msi!
lets see what do....
i <3
alex
brisa
april
msi
tuodw
my computer
myspace
aim
and thats about it ... now my friend calls me and accuses me of prank calling her even though i was on the fone with brisa *grR* why do i get accused of shit all the time! it all started last year with my red headed fat ass bald circle headed....nvm too long story ... i havnt talked to chris in a long time but o well ... ~!@#$%^&*()_+ one big cuss word! haha! i <3 being funni! wee!
love,
auden

bored

Sun, 07 Aug 2005 09:15:57 GMT

well i saw the undoing of david wright at fat cats thursday, they kick some real fat ass! and we met them kinda. well i saw roland and micah and frankie and andrew and olivia k. and olivia b. and brisa but i see b all the time! oliv b. took orland gay ass sun glasses and roland asked for my help and i just looked at him like uh no im not gonna get into that and he goes but jordan we have been friends since the 1st grade we are crew com on! i was like crew wtf? but hegot his glasses back finally and heleft on his gay bike. i got the gorillaz cd and the bravery cd today. i went to the mall and got a batman shirt with a red fishnet shirt and nail polish! wee! i made a deal with my moms friend that is i have straight a's by the end of the first six weeks he is gonna buy me a camera! im so happy! i always get a's in the beggining! so *pssh* to him! well i have 21 friends on myspace even though i was deleted from brisa to mess with this one guy! haha! im such a con artist i surprise myself!
love
auden
ps. im still in love with alex!

Fri, 29 Jul 2005 05:37:26 GMT

lately i havent been knowing what to say/feel. everyone around me thinks if they say what i feel i feel it. well news flash i dont! and im tired of people promiing me something and never following threw with it, my brother hasnt shut the fuck up since we got to my moms! and im suposd to go spend the night with my gandmother with him and everything is suposed to turn out dandy. well honestly for the fuckers who dont know better it wont! im trying to persuade my mom in letting my just go vist my grangmother and come home afer dinner, i cant handle my brother anymore! he is so fucking annoying! matt didnt get one game --guild wars-- and he came home and cried like a fucktard he is and everyone felt bad, well i havent gottn the msi cds, or my piercing, or my camera, or anything i wanted and i havent cried until tonight! and matt owed me 2 things and i was gonna let him buy me cds instead well while were at best buy getting the cds my momtells me i have to put $10 towards it so im like what the fuck! he owes me shit and i have to fucking pay for it! are you fucking crazy? well, i have a fucked summer and i dunno what to tell people when i gop back to school! i guess ill just tll them the little things and hope thats enough b/c all people thin i am is a fucking slave and thier little pet and im not so fuck off!!!!!!!!
love
auden

--p.s dates i look forward to
---sunday
----i go home adn i get to dye my hair again
---tuesday
----i get to see alex and all my friends at orientations
---the 4th i think
----the concert with brisa and olivia

Wed, 27 Jul 2005 05:58:08 GMT

*ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*
*ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

wow that was needed!
love auden

Wed, 27 Jul 2005 03:52:19 GMT

well hello,
i have had a *blah*pssh*blah* kinda day! no one but me knows what that is! hehe im so evil! i lov alex more then the world! he is the bestest! *Kisses for aleX* well wnyways good night
love
auden

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 05:08:52 GMT

hello all! i have relised how much happier i am now im with alex. hes so sweet! im so lucky! i spent all day on the comp like yesterday. i go back to my dads either sunday or monday, and i cant wait togo swimming with brisa and carla! and tuesday i get to see alex and april and who ever else is up there! im so happy school is starting, as soon as im out of 8th grade i go to highschool and get to spend those years with alex! *dances* i have a new site noww for my photography its http://auden.zoomshare.com its not dont but i have stuff there!
love auden

Mon, 25 Jul 2005 01:33:59 GMT

well i cant wait to see alex on the 2nd of next month! hes so cute and adoable! yay! im so happy! and i go home to see brisa this sunday or monday! i found out that the auden and skyler thing might be a fake! but i dunno! i decided that im giving myslef a guy name and its between auden or my last years leland and i will always go by jay. i like auden more but ill let my friends pick.
love jay
i love alex more then the world!

Sat, 23 Jul 2005 16:36:19 GMT

last night was so sad! i was online and i was reading something about a kid named brian deneke and he was murdered for being different! and it has been 8 years and they still havent convicted the guy. and i read that 2 gay guy commited suicide to be with eachother. they new that they were meant to be togther no matter what and no else could see that

rip--brian deneke
december 12, 1997

rip--auden and skyler
july 20, 2005

Thu, 21 Jul 2005 22:47:22 GMT

fuck my brother i hope he fucking goes to hell! he always over reacts
all the damn time!!me and him and reagan went to the pool at my mom and he starts freaking out! so we left locked in! hehehe and he screamed*asshole* to me! hes a faggot and he is going to die soon! im going out with alex as of yesterday night! im forced to go to reagans tonight. everyone is mad at me exceptreagan and alex.
--brisa
yes ill get you the bravery but dont you want razed in black or the misfits or i dunno. do you want me to copy the aar and fob cds for you?

w00t w00t

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 01:01:02 GMT

well my comp was broken and i fixed it by calling aol and talknig to mark! thank you mark you are a life saver! *blah* well i have had a boring past 3 days! my brother owes me a mario game and a pool float and instead of getting me those 2 things he is going to buy me 2 cds! and i have $20 buck so thats like 2 more cds and i think my mom is going to buy me a cd so thats like 5 cds total. thank you brisa for letting my dad copy your music! i cant wait to listen to it! w00t w00t! i have painted alot in the past few days and i think my so called talents are getting better! but to say i still suck! i have yet to download diablo and play it! i dont even think i should have brought it with me!
love
god!

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 01:20:00 GMT

msn its better then anything!!! i got msn today and i say everyone else should get it! it has better smilies and better everything mine is mindless_wonder and my new email is mindless_wonder@hotmail.com

blah and bullshit

Tue, 12 Jul 2005 19:33:41 GMT

welli got to come home yesterday and i wont go back till later. i saw roland and micah and marcus and alex and some hick guy named micheal! we hung out at the park for awhile and then we went to the meet at the pol. i wish ed was there but she is in cali!

well life for me has been a wild ride with everyone in it! i have hit every bump in the road and i feel like i missed some so i must slow down and turn around. i dont realy belong were i am b/c no one eraly gets me here. i need an escape and i dont know if i have found the person to be my escape! but if i have im must be blind and i dont know who! i just want to be were people get me and i can have a life of no lies and no jokes just were i can be free and do what i feel is needed to be done.

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 04:26:06 GMT

well i got to do fireworks and not watch them for a change! it was fun but to loud my head was hurting and it smelt so bad!!! brisa didnt get to come and i was so lonely i was trying to fit in with the adults. it was funny though. i got to see brisa at my house today though and we had fun while it lasted and we went to golden carol and i had only 2 plates and felt fuller then when you fill an ant!

brisa:i walked in the room and my mom was on top of "the mexican" and he was lifting her skirt!!!! i was so scared and im so shocked! i need help and a way out of here! i think im going to talk to her about it though! i leave this friday i think for florida!

4-july

Mon, 04 Jul 2005 01:52:15 GMT

well im going to see brisa and carlo tomoro at/after the parade i cant wait! but i have to get up early and go drop matt off at the BIG parking lot!

*bang bang* your dead!